36. Description Of The Joking Of Rasoolullah

حَدَّثَنَا مَحْمُودُ بْنُ غَيْلانَ، قَالَ‏:‏ حَدَّثَنَا أَبُو أُسَامَةَ، عَنْ شَرِيكٍ، عَنْ عَاصِمٍ الأَحْوَلِ، عَنْ أَنَسِ بْنِ مَالِكٍ، قَالَ‏:‏ إِنَّ النَّبِيَّ صلى الله عليه وسلم، قَالَ لَهُ‏:‏ يَا ذَا الأُذُنَيْنِ،‏.‏

"The Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) said to him: 'O two-eared'!”

حَدَّثَنَا هَنَّادُ بْنُ السَّرِيِّ، قَالَ‏:‏ حَدَّثَنَا وَكِيعٌ، عَنْ شُعْبَةَ، عَنْ أَبِي التَّيَّاحِ، عَنْ أَنَسِ بْنِ مَالِكٍ، قَالَ‏:‏ إِنْ كَانَ رَسُولُ اللهِ صلى الله عليه وسلم، لَيُخَالِطُنَا حَتَّى يَقُولَ لأَخٍ لِي صَغِيرٍ‏:‏ يَا أَبَا عُمَيْرٍ، مَا فَعَلَ النُّغَيْرُ‏؟‏

"Allah’s Messenger (Allah bless him and give him peace) would associate so closely with us that he said to a young brother of mine: “O Abu 'Umair, what has the little red- beaked sparrow done?’”

حَدَّثَنَا عَبَّاسُ بْنُ مُحَمَّدٍ الدُّورِيُّ، قَالَ‏:‏ حَدَّثَنَا عَلِيُّ بْنُ الْحَسَنِ بْنِ شَقِيقٍ، قَالَ‏:‏ أَنبأَنَا عَبْدُ اللهِ بْنُ الْمُبَارِكِ، عَنِ أُسَامَةَ بْنِ زَيْدٍ، عَنْ سَعِيدٍ الْمَقْبُرِيِّ، عَنْ أَبِي هُرَيْرَةَ، قَالَ‏:‏ قَالُوا‏:‏ يَا رَسُولَ اللهِ، إِنَّكَ تُدَاعِبُنَا، قَالَ‏:‏ إِنِّي لا أَقُولُ إِلا حَقًّا‏.‏

“They said: ‘O Messenger of Allah, are you teasing us?’ He said: ‘Yes, except that I am telling nothing but the truth'!”

حَدَّثَنَا قُتَيْبَةُ بْنُ سَعِيدٍ، قَالَ‏:‏ حَدَّثَنَا خَالِدُ بْنُ عَبْدِ اللهِ، عَنْ حُمَيْدٍ، عَنْ أَنَسِ بْنِ مَالِكٍ، أَنَّ رَجُلا اسْتَحْمَلَ رَسُولَ اللهِ صلى الله عليه وسلم، فَقَالَ‏:‏ إِنِّي حَامِلُكَ عَلَى وَلَدِ نَاقَةٍ، فَقَالَ‏:‏ يَا رَسُولَ اللهِ، مَا أَصْنَعُ بِوَلَدِ النَّاقَةِ‏؟‏ فَقَالَ صلى الله عليه وسلم‏:‏ وَهَلْ تَلِدُ الإِبِلَ إِلا النُّوقُ‏؟‏

"A man asked Allah’s Messenger (Allah bless him and give him peace) to provide him with a mount, so he said: 'I will mount you on the offspring of a she-camel The man said: 'O Messenger of Allah, what shall I do with the offspring of a she- camel?' He said (Allah bless him and give him peace): 'To what does a she-camel give birth, except more she-camels?’”

حَدَّثَنَا إِسْحَاقُ بْنُ مَنْصُورٍ، قَالَ‏:‏ حَدَّثَنَا عَبْدُ الرَّزَّاقِ، قَالَ‏:‏ حَدَّثَنَا مَعْمَرٌ، عَنْ ثَابِتٍ، عَنْ أَنَسِ بْنِ مَالِكٍ، أَنَّ رَجُلا مِنْ أَهْلِ الْبَادِيَةِ كَانَ اسْمُهُ زَاهِرًا، وَكَانَ يُهْدِي إِلَى النَّبِيِّ صلى الله عليه وسلم، هَدِيَّةً مِنَ الْبَادِيَةِ، فَيُجَهِّزُهُ النَّبِيُّ صلى الله عليه وسلم، إِذَا أَرَادَ أَنْ يَخْرُجَ، فَقَالَ النَّبِيُّ صلى الله عليه وسلم‏:‏ إِنَّ زَاهِرًا بَادِيَتُنَا وَنَحْنُ حَاضِرُوهُ وَكَانَ صلى الله عليه وسلم يُحِبُّهُ وَكَانَ رَجُلا دَمِيمًا، فَأَتَاهُ النَّبِيُّ صلى الله عليه وسلم، يَوْمًا وَهُوَ يَبِيعُ مَتَاعَهُ وَاحْتَضَنَهُ مِنْ خَلْفِهِ وَهُوَ لا يُبْصِرُهُ، فَقَالَ‏:‏ مَنْ هَذَا‏؟‏ أَرْسِلْنِي فَالْتَفَتَ فَعَرَفَ النَّبِيُّ صلى الله عليه وسلم فَجَعَلَ لا يَأْلُو مَا أَلْصَقَ ظَهْرَهُ بِصَدْرِ النَّبِيِّ صلى الله عليه وسلم حِينَ عَرَفَهُ، فَجَعَلَ النَّبِيُّ صلى الله عليه وسلم، يَقُولُ‏:‏ مَنْ يَشْتَرِي هَذَا الْعَبْدَ، فَقَالَ‏:‏ يَا رَسُولَ اللهِ، إِذًا وَاللَّهِ تَجِدُنِي كَاسِدًا، فَقَالَ النَّبِيُّ صلى الله عليه وسلم‏:‏ لَكِنْ عِنْدَ اللهِ لَسْتَ بِكَاسِدٍ أَوْ قَالَ‏:‏ أَنتَ عِنْدَ اللهِ غَالٍ‏.‏‏.‏

“There was a man among the people of the desert — his name was Zahir — and he used to bring the Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) a present from the desert, so the Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) would equip him when he wished to go out to battle. “The Prophet said (Allah bless him and give him peace):‘Zahir is our desert, and we are his towns'. He (Allah bless him and give him peace) used to love him, though he was a homely man, so the Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) came to him one day while he was selling his wares, and embraced him from behind so that he couldn't see who it was. So he said: ‘Who is this? Let go of me!’ Then he turned around and recognized the Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace). Once he recognized the Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace), he kept his back pressed to the Prophet's chest, so the Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) proceeded to say: ‘Who will buy this slave?’ The man said: ‘O Messenger of Allah, in that case, by Allah, you will find me an unsellable commodity!’ The Prophet said (Allah bless him and give him peace): ‘But you are not an unsaleable commodity in the view of Allah),’ or he said: ‘You are precious to Allah!'”

حَدَّثَنَا عَبْدُ بْنُ حُمَيْدٍ، قَالَ‏:‏ حَدَّثَنَا مُصْعَبُ بْنُ الْمِقْدَامِ، قَالَ‏:‏ حَدَّثَنَا الْمُبَارِكُ بْنُ فَضَالَةَ، عَنِ الْحَسَنِ، قَالَ‏:‏ أَتَتْ عَجُوزٌ إِلَى النَّبِيِّ صلى الله عليه وسلم، فَقَالَتْ‏:‏ يَا رَسُولَ اللهِ، ادْعُ اللَّهَ أَنْ يُدْخِلَنِي الْجَنَّةَ، فَقَالَ‏:‏ يَا أُمَّ فُلانٍ، إِنَّ الْجَنَّةَ لا تَدْخُلُهَا عَجُوزٌ، قَالَ‏:‏ فَوَلَّتْ تَبْكِي، فَقَالَ‏:‏ أَخْبِرُوهَا أَنَّهَا لا تَدْخُلُهَا وَهِيَ عَجُوزٌ إِنَّ اللَّهَ تَعَالَى، يَقُولُ‏:‏ إِنَّا أَنْشَأْنَاهُنَّ إِنْشَاءً، فَجَعَلْنَاهُنَّ أَبْكَارًا، عُرُبًا أَتْرَابًا‏.‏

"An old woman came to the Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) and said: 'O Messenger of Allah, beseech Allah to let me enter the Garden of Paradise!' He replied: 'O Mother of So-and-so, no old woman will enter the Garden of Paradise!' She turned away weeping, so he said: 'Tell her that she will not enter it as an old woman, for Allah says: ‘We have created them a new creation, and made them virgins, loving, equal in age .’” (Al-Qur'an; 56:35-37)